Friday, December 30, 2011

the in-between time

I am enjoying these last few days of 2011; I've found a liminal space inside them, a place of waiting, reflecting, anticipating, being.  A place between the completed/fulfilled anticipation of Advent and Christmas and the expectancy of a new year and season.  My mind fills with thoughts and evaluations of events in the past year as well as plans for the one to come, but I push these thoughts aside for now and go deeper into the liminal space itself.  Does anything lie here, waiting to be discovered?  Or perhaps it is simply a time to be without doing, to sit and look without planning or analyzing.  I walk, I read, I ponder God and what he teaches me.  The past year or so has been difficult; I have lived with great fear and resentment.  I thank God for the grace to be able to see this and, in this liminal time, to be able to separate myself from the fear and resentment somewhat so that I may understand them more fully, if understanding comes.  What do I fear?  Why?  I am resentful because I have expectations that aren't being met, and I am losing patience and hope.  Perhaps it is time to let these expectations go.  I am beginning to discover that the emptying of a life can bring a greater capacity for grace.

Blessings to you; I wish you well in this in-between time and in the year to come.  May the Peace of God be with us.