Friday, September 9, 2011
are we there yet?
My friend Pam at radical ramblings and thoughts of a southern girl wrote a post today on surrender. As I envisioned myself walking beside her on that particular path, giving and receiving encouragement, I suddenly burst out, "Are we there yet?!" I mean, my God, how much more can you ask? My job, my home, my dogs, my ability to think clearly, my relationships, my very sanity sometimes...what next? Oh, I know, I prayed with St. Ignatius that you take everything, even my memory, understanding, and liberty, if you see fit, and I meant it, but I didn't realize those things ran so deep. Now I'm tempted to say, "Just try to take anything more. I dare you." And yet I do pray it. I'm a mess, a bitter, proud, resentful mess. I offer up my very life, but when you take it I fight to get it back. Teach me what all this loss is for, what it really means. Or don't. But please teach me to love.