synchroblog

This post is for the May synchroblog, Life Unfurling.  This month bloggers write about what they've learned and gained by letting go of something they once held tightly.  Last fall I went through a process of loss and grace that I wrote about in choosing a sometimes extravagant and ridiculous life, grief and gratitude, and saying goodbye.  Rather than rewriting all of this, I hope referencing these posts will be okay.  I love the synchroblog idea!  As a result of these losses I've experienced how faithful and loving God is.  In my greatest time of need, as in my not-so-great, God cares for and takes care of me, even when I cannot sense it.  Being given a greater understanding of God's care and faithfulness is a richness that cannot be put into words, so I encourage you to let go of something which you may be holding too tightly and see for yourself how high and deep God's love is, from which we are never separated.

Take a gander at the other entries!

John Martinez at Indie Faith – Letting Go of the Holy Me

Beth Patterson at Finding Ground – What is Passed Over is Not Love

Jeremy Myers at Till He Comes – Help, I’m Lost and Can’t Find Myself

Ellen Haroutunian – Life Unfurling

Marta Layton – On Burdens, Blessings, Babies and Bathwater

Alan Knox at The Assembling of Church – Where Did I Go?

Crystal Lewis – What Happened When I Let Go

Pam Hogeweide at How God Messed Up My Religion – Letting Go of a Church-Centered Me

K.W. Leslie at the Evening of Kent – Legalism, Anti-Legalism, and Anti-Anti-Legalism

Ryan Harrison at How We Spend Our Days – Scraping the Barnacles

Kathy Escobar at The Carnival in My Head - Letting God Off the Hook

Christine Sine at Godspace – Giving Up For God, What Does it Cost?

Liz Dyer at Grace Rules – What Do You Do When You Are Not Sure

Dan Brennan at Faith Dance – Letting Go for a Greater Good

Elaine Hansen – Recovering Control Freak – Let Go?

Wendy McCaig at View From the Bridge - Embracing the Grey

Chris at The Amplified Life - Seasons of Life

Kerri at Practicing Contemplative - Synchroblog

Jeff Goins - What You Get From Giving: The Paradox of Generosity

Jules Kennedy – Letting Go…Watching the Rope Come Apart

in process

What is this space, this thing, this animal that I name grief?  What is this strange creature that slides in and out of my life with no warning, no asking of permission, yet also no menace?  What are you, you

waves
transformative and transforms itself
comfort
healing
pain
disorientation
death, and new life, growth
fine one day, slammed the next
stunned
weary all the way down to my soul
"grief" is sanity, vs. "depression," "mental illness"
knock me upside head, out of blue, suddenly I have no skeleton, no inner support
it must be drugs, see your doctor, get your meds checked, they say
no, I say - this is different - we've all been watching too many drug ads - it's okay to feel bad once in a while - in fact, it's probably imperative
let me be sad, let me be
but if you can't function...
I will function, I am functioning - this is how people function when their legs get swept out from under them and they fall flat on their face - just give me a minute to recover and stand up again - and please, please, stop making assumptions about or trying so hard to know what is happening to me and what I need - you probably do it without realizing it - I know you love me, but this desire to "help" me is not that at all; it is a desire to solve the problem, find an answer, remove the pain - and you do not have the right to do that, nor have you been given that role...you do not have enough information to know the answers, and I choose not to give you much information - stop - don't be defensive - I love you, too - examine your heart, see if this is true - I know that desire to "help" well - I live with it and learn from it - do not let it come from a desire to know or control things that are not given to us - do not be afraid to let the pain, the uncertainty, be.
I do not welcome the uncertainly that is a constant part of my life, but I hope to, someday.  will she be alright?  will I?  We think we have to know more than we really do.  I have no idea what comes next.  All I can see is where I am now.  And I know that above all, underneath it all, through it all, all is well.
Let me be.  God is here.