how to: make a bank manager's day more interesting

Go through the bank drive-thru at the branch where a friend works (in an office across the lobby, not as a teller).  As the teller conducts your Actual Bank Business, think about things to yell into the microphone loud enough for your friend to hear.  Look at the teller window and see your friend walking toward it, presumably to say hello.  As your friend looks at you and smiles, aim your finger at him like a gun and squint.  As your friend continues to walk past the teller window, realize it is not your friend.  In fact, it is a woman.  In fact, it is the bank manager, who has blonde hair and glasses, like your friend, but really looks nothing like your friend.  Decide not to yell anything into the microphone after all.  Think about getting your eyes checked.

how to: get revenge on your housemates

When a housemate throws away the cereal you just bought and claims she thought it was old, try giving her food away to the local food bank or something similar.  "Oh, were you going to eat that?  Gee, I'm sorry..."

I made these guys up in high school during some class - good to see that private education didn't go to waste.  I've been wanting to develop whatever artistic tendencies I have, so I thought I'd try this.  Many thanks to http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/ for the idea to use illustrations in my posts.  Also, many apologies to http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/ for even remotely connecting our blogs in any way.  You have a tremendous gift!

how to: make a bank teller's day more interesting

Twenty years ago, I was a bank teller.  It was a fun job, once I got over the whole eww-how-many-people-have-touched-this-money-before-me-and-where-were-their-hands? thing.  Every once in a while we had to stay late for meetings, which irked me even though we were getting paid, but I didn't mind when the meetings were about how-to-stay-alive-while-you're-being-robbed.  I know bank-robbing isn't a good thing, but come on - who doesn't like a good dumb-and-smart-things-crooks-do-and-how-to-respond story?  In one, after the teller gave over the money, the guy said, "Now give me your car keys."  He had scoped her and the bank out beforehand and knew which car she drove!  (And therefore she was able to give a very accurate description of the getaway car to the police.)  Perhaps just an urban legend, but I was an early-20's-year-old in my first "real" job, and that creeped me out.

Anyway, I was reminded of that story today about half-way through performing the following maneuver in the parking lot of one of my new bank's branches, and I realized my actions could have looked like this:

What I did:                                          What a well-trained teller would think:
Pull into drive-thru area, look for             Pull into lot and block any cars which
place to pull over to fill out my               gung-ho employees or plain-carred security
deposit slip because I am so polite,       officers could use to follow me after the
fail to find much space, so block            robbery.
bank employees' cars as I write.

Lean over to my purse on the floor          Lean over to pick up weapons.
on the passenger side and pull
out my wallet and a medicine bottle.

Take an allergy pill.                               Take meth for courage.

Fill out deposit slip.                               Write robbery demands.

Back up, nearly hit car lurking just          Make erratic movements while operating
in front of the drive-thrus as that              heavy machinery just after taking drugs,
polite woman filled out her deposit           then...wait...never mind, it's just some
slip (they really need to expland that       idiot.
parking lot) and pull into drive-thru lane.