You know it's not going to be one of your better days when:
- on the way to your car, you drop your pants. No, no, the extra pair you're carrying. And did I mention it's raining outside, so they get all wet? And that they're dressy pants, not roll-around-on-the-dirty-wet-driveway-pants?
- at the gas station the wind is so high it blows your gas cap off your car trunk while you're in the store getting comfort food.
- as you look high and low for your gas cap, a note you're holding onto blows out of your hand. Why you were carrying the note in the first place, since you didn't need it to get gas, is a mystery. But it's your lucky day, and the note doesn't blow away because a big, wet puddle catches it. Yay, wet note with smeared reminders.
- you find your gas cap under the car, and you pull up a bit so you can retrieve it. As you bend over, a large pickup truck pulls in behind you and nearly rear-ends you, literally.
- you get kicked out of an online group because you didn't quite play by the rules. Yeah, I know, it was a consequence I that I chose to risk, but it still makes me cranky.
- your grandfather finishes his lunch and bangs his cup on the TV tray, yelling, "I'm done!" then, when you don't budge in the next second (I swear only a second passed) he bangs the cup harder, "I'M DONE!!!"
TGIF!
You know you've taken enough cold/sinus medication for the day when you turn your head to look down a grocery aisle and nearly fall over.
You know it's going to be an interesting day when:
You pick up your toothbrush and the toothpaste, then spread the toothpaste onto your palm.
You have to leave and you can't find your phone, so you call yourself from your aunt & uncle's phone (thank heavens for housemates). The house phone you choose isn't cordless, so you call yourself, dash to your room, and think the phone is ringing in the canvas shopping bag next to your purse. You pick up the bag and hold it to your ear and walk away from your purse to see if you're right re: bag vs. purse, and the phone stops ringing. You think you're right about the bag, but you leave it in your room when you go back to the house phone to call yourself again - hey, it was early. You call yourself for the 2nd time, dash to your room, and rummage through the bag. You know the phone's in there now because you can hear it and see the light coming from it, but you keep rummaging through the bag and can't find it. The phone stops ringing. You empty out the bloomin' bag and find your phone in the plastic grocery sack with the loaf of bread - of course! You go back to hang up the house phone and hear yourself on the line saying leave a message. Even though they were both hang-ups, your cell phone then says, "Voice mail received." Yay, I have mail!
Now you're running late, so you stuff a notebook with a post-it on it into your purse, telling yourself you'll read whatever reminder you wrote on the post-it later when you get to Mom & Dad's (M&D's). Then you actually listen to the little voice in your head that says "check the note" - you do, and it says "record mileage to M&D's". You remember you also wanted to take mayo to M&D's, so you say "mileage and mayo, mileage and mayo" nonstop so you won't forget them as you go start the car to warm it up. You grab the mayo and start just saying "mileage" over and over. You finish getting ready ("mileage, mileage, mileage"), grab your stuff and get in the car. You put the car in reverse ("mileage, mileage, mileage") and stop at the end of the driveway when you realize "mileage, mileage, mileage" means you actually have to push a button. You set the odometer and continue on your way, proud that you actually left home with everything you meant to take and do.
And that was all just this morning! I have also recently and mistakenly sprayed body spray all over my hair instead of hairspray. Later I thought, "Gee, my hair smells terrific! But why is it so flat?"
You know you've got a problem when in the midst of looking up info. on focusing attention in the midst of multiple distractions, you get distracted yourself and forget wh
You know you shouldn't quit your day job when you plan a baby shower and the guest of honor contacts you 3 days before the party to ask when and where it will be. Oh, was I supposed to tell you, too?
You know you've hit bottom when your dogs get more mail than you do.
You know to think twice next time about what you wear to Target (red shirt and khaki pants) when people keep stopping you and asking you if you work there.
You know you should move the pedometer you clipped to your waistband when you bend over and your flab hits the "reset" button. Dang it!!!
You know you've gone to McDonald's too often when the employees from the drive-thru recognize you in Wal-Mart and say hello.
You know you're loved when your dog greets you enthusiastically at the door when you get home.
You know you need a reality check when your dog stays in the kitchen with the first load of groceries and doesn't even notice you left to get the 2nd load.
You know you're getting older when store clerks and other strangers start calling you "ma'am."
You know you're old when you realize you no longer notice when people call you ma'am.
You know you need to mow the lawn when you walk through your back yard and the grass tickles your armpits.
You know you're a terrible sister when you shop for a belated birthday card for your brother and see all the belated cards you've sent him before.
You know your dog is spoiled when he doesn't bother to get off your bed to poop.
You know you've gone too far with the laid-back approach to life when you get pulled over by a cop for an expired tag sticker that you'd completely forgotten about and then, when he asked for your insurance card, realized that was expired too. On the bright side, you get to experience something new - going to court.
