best sight of the day:

an adolescent boy standing next to his bicycle and peering in the window of a motorcycle dealership, his hands and face pressed close to the glass, dreaming of someday

birthday bash and roommates

Grandpa turned 94 last week - woo-hoo!  He had a great day complete with a John Deere cake, lots of cards, and visits with family.  (That's my mom and dad to Grandpa's right).

Last month I moved in with Mom & Dad to care full-time for Grandpa, who also lives with them.  Grandpa and I share the finished basement which includes a full kitchen which I assume works, although I haven't actually turned the stove on yet.  It's a good set-up, though it requires quite a mental adjustment - more so than I expected.  Living with my parents, still grieving for my loss of my dogs and teaching job, and uncertainty re: how long this new stage in life will last have all caused me to feel as if I've dived into a deep lake.  I am enveloped, and my attention has focused down to the narrowest of points.  I am only now beginning to bob to the surface.

So I haven't had a lot of funny times with Grandpa to share, although I have noticed something interesting.  Now that I'm living here and not sitting next to Grandpa all day, he's had to come up with new ways to get or maintain my attention.  Grandpa is very reliant on a consistent schedule, and if I am late to change the channel or begin preparing meal, or even if he thinks I might be late, he will turn the TV up loud, clap, holler, bang things on his tray, etc.  I try to watch the clock because after a while that stuff just isn't cute anymore (!).  But it's interesting to observe our behavior and our attempts to modify each others'.  I think we deserve each other.

The other day I overheard Grandpa mumbling to himself.  Uh-oh, I thought, was he beginning to go senile?  I thought I'd better check.  "Grandpa?"

"Huh?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You were talking to yourself.  Or were you talking to me?"

"Oh - no.  I was repeating what the two Andy Griffith shows were this morning so I could remember them."

And we're back.

close encounters...

Every once in a while we run into a person, a stranger, who impacts our lives in a way that makes us think there was something more going on there...

Yesterday in Target my body went down the markers, etc. aisle even though my brain was screaming at me to keep walking and just get what I went in there for in the first place.  A boy who looked about 10 or so was standing in the aisle, alone, holding a pack of markers.  He was browsing, not panicking, so I smiled at him and browsed too.  He walked up to me - at first I thought he would pass me, so I moved over.  But he stopped in front of me and looked me straight in the eye; I could tell he wanted to say something.  I assumed that even though I was wearing blue I looked incredibly competent, so I asked him if he needed help with anything.  (Okay, I just read that sentence again.  What I mean is I wasn't wearing the Target red and khaki!)  He brushed my question off with a quick glance to the side, then looked back at me and said something, I can't remember what, but we talked about how we both loved this aisle and that he was a creative person.  Then he began a 2- or 3-minute monologue about his imaginary friends, all of whom have names that start with S.  He listed at least 10 names.  He had a facial tick as he talked that made me think this topic was very important to him.  He finished by insisting that since he created his friends, they can do whatever he wants them to do, and his mom and dad shouldn't get him in trouble when his friends do bad stuff.  Sounds logical to me.  Then he walked away...

I love it when that happens.

synchroblog

This post is for the May synchroblog, Life Unfurling.  This month bloggers write about what they've learned and gained by letting go of something they once held tightly.  Last fall I went through a process of loss and grace that I wrote about in choosing a sometimes extravagant and ridiculous life, grief and gratitude, and saying goodbye.  Rather than rewriting all of this, I hope referencing these posts will be okay.  I love the synchroblog idea!  As a result of these losses I've experienced how faithful and loving God is.  In my greatest time of need, as in my not-so-great, God cares for and takes care of me, even when I cannot sense it.  Being given a greater understanding of God's care and faithfulness is a richness that cannot be put into words, so I encourage you to let go of something which you may be holding too tightly and see for yourself how high and deep God's love is, from which we are never separated.

Take a gander at the other entries!

John Martinez at Indie Faith – Letting Go of the Holy Me

Beth Patterson at Finding Ground – What is Passed Over is Not Love

Jeremy Myers at Till He Comes – Help, I’m Lost and Can’t Find Myself

Ellen Haroutunian – Life Unfurling

Marta Layton – On Burdens, Blessings, Babies and Bathwater

Alan Knox at The Assembling of Church – Where Did I Go?

Crystal Lewis – What Happened When I Let Go

Pam Hogeweide at How God Messed Up My Religion – Letting Go of a Church-Centered Me

K.W. Leslie at the Evening of Kent – Legalism, Anti-Legalism, and Anti-Anti-Legalism

Ryan Harrison at How We Spend Our Days – Scraping the Barnacles

Kathy Escobar at The Carnival in My Head - Letting God Off the Hook

Christine Sine at Godspace – Giving Up For God, What Does it Cost?

Liz Dyer at Grace Rules – What Do You Do When You Are Not Sure

Dan Brennan at Faith Dance – Letting Go for a Greater Good

Elaine Hansen – Recovering Control Freak – Let Go?

Wendy McCaig at View From the Bridge - Embracing the Grey

Chris at The Amplified Life - Seasons of Life

Kerri at Practicing Contemplative - Synchroblog

Jeff Goins - What You Get From Giving: The Paradox of Generosity

Jules Kennedy – Letting Go…Watching the Rope Come Apart

may day memories

When I was 5-ish my mom taught me about May Day.  We made baskets from construction paper, filled them with flowers from our garden, and I hung them on our neighbors' doorknobs, rang the doorbell, and ran.  I loved the time Mom & I spent together and the delighted surprise of our neighbors.  Happy May Day to you!

ABC to XYZ

We thought we were so clever with the XYZ thing in grade school.  When someone added ABC, we were at the height of wit and creativity.  "Always be careful to check your zipper!"  It never got old.

I cut out this picture on my recent retreat.  I thought it was funny.  Get your mind out of the gutter, it's a roadside emergency kit.  It says so right between her legs.

I played it safe in childhood.  I was (still am, I guess) the oldest child of an oldest child (6 kids in that family) and a second-oldest child (4 kids).  I was the oldest grandchild in town; a couple of slightly-older cousins lived in another state.  I got lots of attention.  It was wonderful.  Life was blessedly simple.

If we are very fortunate, we grow up in a world where we are kept safe.  Our parents or other caregivers teach us to look both ways before crossing the street, don't talk to strangers, and don't run with Barbie coatracks.  This structure of safety allows us to play freely.  Accidents happen, of course, and we make mistakes.  Tragedies occur.  Hopefully someone does his/her best to see that our Safety Girl kits are fully stocked and checked regularly.

(I actually climbed higher in this tree; it was my favorite.  I don't know why Mom took a picture when I was hanging from it like a sloth.  Or maybe I do.  I don't remember it being dead, either.  Oh well.  It was my tree.)

In my late teens I began to grow tired of Safety Girl.  Adventure Girl no longer wanted to ride in the back seat; she was ready to drive.  Or fly, rather.

In my early 20's, I loaded up my car, moved to a Chicago suburb, and tossed my safety kit out the window.  I had an interesting relationship.  I talked to strangers.  I even stopped going to church!  I had the opportunity to see that some of those things in my safety kit were pretty useful; fortunately, it didn't take a traumatic experience for me to realize that.  So I got another safety kit.  An empty one.  I was going to stock this one myself.  As we age, we (hopefully) learn to discern what to pack in our kits and when to use them.  As children, it's all or nothing, Safety Girl or danger.  Hula-hooping in socks and sandals or playing in the middle of the street.  As adults, we become aware of the gray areas.  Sometimes it's just fine to talk to strangers.  But it's still not a good idea to accept rides from them.  We still look both ways before crossing the street, but if I want to take a walk I can do so now without my name written in permanent marker on the bottom of my shoes.  Sometimes accidents happen or Adventure Girl makes mistakes, but there's good in that.  If it weren't for those events we wouldn't have cute Safety Girl kits, and we wouldn't learn and grow from the lessons they teach us.

Hop in the car, Adventure Girl.  You too, Safety Girl.  We're going for a ride.  But I'll drive.



(I hope it's clear that I'm referring to everyday situations of safety and danger, not acts of God such as the recent tornadoes in the South.  Those events take much more than a cute kit to cope with.  I add my prayers to those already out there, that you will have everything you need.)

the ridiculous in the everyday

Just went through the drive-thru for my daily pop run (my "need" for this stuff gives me a lot of respect for those in AA or similar programs - I think you'd have to drag me kicking and screaming to rehab before I could give this habit up).  Anyway, the place has 2 drive-thru lanes - the better to serve us - so I skipped the one with 5 cars in line and went to the one with only one car.  You can almost automatically pull into this second lane from another entrance to the parking lot, and I think some folks think that lane is only for those people.  Who knows, there may even be a sign that says so.  If you don't look, you don't have to know - that's my motto.  The car in front of me has a long order which includes 12 diet cokes (it's just like the grocery store - I always get behind these people!), and the car in the other lane finishes its order and drives to the window.  The woman behind that car, she looks to be in her 60's or 70's, pulls up and the automatic greeting goes off when she pulls up to give her order.  This particular franchise has a female employee who is always unusually chipper.  When they let her record the greeting, she goes all out:  "Gooood morning!!! Welcome to ---!!!  Please try our ---!!!  Order when you're ready!!!"  This voice has made me jump and wince more than once at 7:30 a.m.  I don't know if a real human then spoke, or if the woman tried to order; I was listening to the people in front of me talk and talk and talk.  But then I hear the woman yell, "Hello?  Hello?!"  No one responds to her - it must be all hands on deck for this car in front of me.  The woman continues, quite regularly, and loudly, "Hello?!  Hello?!  HELLO?!?!?!"  Finally she just pulls up toward the window.  Then the car in front of me moves (woo hoo!) and it's my turn.  I order my pop and pull up as much as I can.  The other drive-thru lane seems to be working normally now.  I can pull up far enough for the car behind me to order, but her window's not quite next to the microphone.  When the goofy greeting goes off and then someone says, "Can I help you?" the woman behind me screams, "ARE YOU TALKING TO ME???"  Amateurs.