retreat in the flint hills - April '11

I enjoyed a day retreat at the Tallgrass Spiritual Retreat Center Wednesday.  This time it was an individual retreat.  I made the appointment during a period of depression, and although I felt much better by Wed., I decided to go on retreat anyway and see what happened.

I had two one-hour sessions with Billie planned to bookend my retreat:  meet with Billie, spend several hours on my own, meet with Billie, spend more time if necessary, then go home.  Billie is a great listener, and as I told my stories to her and we talked, I processed recent events/issues and received new things to consider.  On the drive to the retreat, I remembered the many pictures Billie had cut from magazines to use in collages, and I wanted to look at more pictures.  Otherwise, I had absoutely no idea or plan for what to do, other than walk around and enjoy God and his creation.  It's taken me 40+ years to learn that often not having an agenda is the best way.

After settling in and a good talk with Billie, I walked down to the creek.  I hadn't taken that walk before, and I was delighted by the beauty surrounding me.

I didn't get any pictures of the creek.  I don't know why.

As I walked, I opened myself to God and listened for, waited to receive whatever he may have had for me at that time.  I was caught up in looking at everything except the ground, and I stepped on a tree limb and lost my balance.  No fall, no pain, just enough of a jolt to get my attention.  I stopped.  I listened.  "Pay attention," I sensed, "Pay attention to this step, this present moment, and enjoy it as it comes."  And so I did.  I didn't try to think deep thoughts or solve any problems.  I simply walked, looked, was open, and enjoyed.  I received the grace to love and give thanks for each moment.

There is a wonderful variety of stones in many shapes, sizes, and colors by the creek.  I picked one up.  As I turned it over in my hands, I sensed that it would be good to sit for a bit and look at more stones.  I did, then I walked along the creek, stopping a few times to close my eyes and just listen to the water and the birds, and found a few more stones.  I love them.

When I discovered that square stone, I laughed and laughed.  I had just been talking to Billie about my upbringing in the church and the rigidity of it, about the learning I have done and still need to do to be thankful for the good things I received from it.  When I saw that stone, I realized/received the understanding that there's plenty of room for squares in the kingdom of God, that there is a place for and the creation of things with straight sides and sharp corners, and sometimes I could be a blockhead myself.  Then I realized the stone was laughing along with me.

I returned to the bunkhouse and set about looking at the pictures Billie had left there for me.  I just wanted to look and look and look, keeping pictures that touched me in some way, but not thinking too much yet about why they did.  After about an hour, I think, I stopped and asked myself, "Is this it?  Is this how you want to spend this time you're paying for?"  I thought about it and decided/realized that yes, this was it.  For now.

I spent the rest of that time until my second session with Billie going through pictures.  It is a marvelous hospitality she provides just in that one act, collecting pictures for people to look at and use.  The number of and reasons for the images I chose are too many to share, but I invite you to find your own.

After my second meeting with Billie, I spent another hour or so walking around and looking.  There are a number of stones on the railing of the back deck of the bunkhouse; I assume they were left by past retreaters...retreatants?  Anyway, I added one of my own to the collection.

On the drive home I passed a ranged being burned  (see http://www.kansasflinthillsadventures.com/flames.html for more info. on range burning).  I realized that some folks probably don't have range burning in their part of the world, so I took a couple of pictures.  I wanted to take a picture of the sign that said pull over if the smoke from the burning was dense, but I passed it before I could get the camera ready - sorry!

I love the prairie.